Most of us know what it is like to look for love in all the wrong places. We are only human: we tend to want what we want, when we want it, and sometimes have trouble keeping perspective. This is especially true in today’s dating scene, where everybody has a friend (if they aren’t the friend) that is so obviously with someone that they should not be with. Then there’s the side-story, of the friend that tried to make a difference by sharing much needed advice, but ends up destroying their own relationship in order to drive the two hell-mates closer together. Do I sound bitter??

Thankfully, I’m not venting about my own personal life, but just noticing what seems to be all around me. Since finding my one True Love (Jiu-Jitsu), my perspective is clearer than it has ever been. The black eyes, ripped out hair, cut skin and spider-guard knuckles are my new boyfriends, and I plan to keep them around indefinitely. Still though, what’s a girl to do on a Friday night after open mat, when I’m just looking for someone to talk to (About BJJ of course)? Any single woman who loves Jiu-Jitsu would probably agree, that a good date with a great guy that knows about dating a BJJ Girl is the best-case scenario.

I have to hand it to you guys, we don’t make it easy. Going out with you feels like I’m cheating on my… Mat! Especially if you don’t train.

Did I hear you correctly? Did you just ask me if I want to skip training three weeks before Pan Ams? To go see 50 Shades of Grey?? I read the book; I’d much rather learn that awesome Omoplata-Choke that the guest teacher is showing tonight. You can enjoy Mr. Grey with someone else, because I’ll be counting taps and bruises while you are wondering why I am such a boring chick.

Okay, rant over. Here’s my best tips for Dating a BJJ Girl.

 1. Never assume that a date will trump training, because it won’t.

I’ve given up a lot in pursuit of the BJJ Lifestyle. Friends mourn the days that I used to go to parties, stay out late dancing, and take chances with men that my family warned me about. If you think for a moment that I’m taking a night off to stumble through an awkward conversation at dinner about your job as a (insert boring thing I can’t remember here), then we might as well just stop things right there.

Want some ideas for a BJJ Girl first date? Here’s a few:

– Offer to go with me to a cool school that allows guest students to visit. I love to travel and meet new BJJ peeps, so showing that you are okay with that by taking me to a place where I’ve never been before, strictly to train Jiu-Jitsu would be a big plus in my book.

– Exercise date: Let’s go to the gym, or maybe out for a jog on a nice day. I can’t speak for all BJJ Girls, but I’d love to go for a bike ride, or meet at the park to play some basketball (be nice: I’m tall, but a horrible shot). If you are willing to work up a sweat with me with your clothes on, it shows me you aren’t just another guy dedicated to getting my clothes OFF! :p

– If you are feeling ballsy, volunteer to come to a class at my own school. I would love to train with you where I feel most comfortable and at home. Just know that all of my BJJ Guys are like my big brothers, and they will want to put you through their own assessments! Carlson Gracie Temecula guys are classy though; if you are nice to me, they will be nice to you ;).

2. Understand that randomness and spontaneity will always have to do with training.

Would I love to just take a drive to visit a nearby big city and get some great food? Of course! There just better be some hand-to-hand combat involved! I love going to see MMA fights, Jiu-Jitsu tournaments, and I absolutely love randomly learning a new technique. I would have no problem sitting down for nice meal, completely gross and sweaty, if it was because you took the time to learn a move on YouTube to teach me in the park. It sounds weird, I know, but my mind is always on Jiu-Jitsu, so my advice is to use that to your advantage.

3. I don’t go out for ice cream. I go out for Açaí.

My weight is important to me. I have written about Losing Weight for Jiu-Jitsu, so you can deduce that I fear the number on the scale most when a competition approaches. I am only human, and love the sweeter things in life, so don’t be a jerk and add to my temptation.

Starbucks and Coldstone, while delicious, are sugary and fattening; this means that your insistence on that triple-chocolate sundae paired with a Trenti Mocha Frappucchino will not only cause me a mountain of stress, but will also guarantee that I spend that next 72 hours stress exercising, and avoiding your phone calls. An Açaí bowl with nuts and berries will keep my mind more on our date, and less on the work I’ll have to do to make up for the indiscretion.

4. Your ‘massage therapy’ skills are extremely valuable.

It’s said that Jiu-Jitsu does a body good, and my health being the best it’s ever been proves that. That doesn’t mean that my aches and pains don’t long for a strong pair of hands to rub my back after a 3-hour open mat! I love to give massages too, so I’m definitely not selfish, and would love to return the favor. All I’m saying is though, is that men that don’t give massages need not apply.

5. Being a BJJ Guy helps the most when dating a BJJ Girl

Let’s face it: those that don’t step on the mat, USUALLY just don’t get it. If you are offended that I would rather train than go to a movie, you aren’t a BJJ Guy. If you would rather watch your favorite sports team than your favorite Black Belt, you aren’t a BJJ Guy. If you don’t see every hug as an ‘over-under’ fight opportunity, every handhold as a grip, or if you ever refer to my guard as ‘missionary position’, then you are not a BJJ Guy. These don’t necessarily disqualify you, but they work against you like a huge zit on a first date.

If you aren’t a BJJ Guy, I have to wonder why you are talking to me in the first place. I make no secrets about my dedication to my training, and no complaints about the lack of men going after me. If you get mad because Jiu-Jitsu interferes with your chances at having a cute girl on your arm for the night, then please either reread this post, or move on to a girl that prefers shopping for dresses more than shopping for Gis. We will both be happier for it!

Bonus Tip: Keep Your Cool! This is the 21st century. It’s okay to tap out to a girl.

If we roll and you proceed to beast-out or go Abu Dhabi on me because you are surprised that I’m tougher than I look and present a challenge, your second date opportunities are reduced to Zero.

I will respect you a lot more for using technique rather than strength during a roll.  You are a guy, I met you at the gym, and you have big muscles. I get it. But I would enjoy a roll with you much more if you don’t try and rip my arm off during a sparring session.  I recently visited The Brentwood Club and had an awesome roll with Renato Laranja and some of the students. I was tired and beat, but they didn’t go super hard on me. However, no one let me win, or just gave up their positions either. They allowed me to work through my own technique during the roll while keeping the pressure on. If you are able to give me that kind of training, who knows? It could be love at first roll!

As for you BJJ Guys: keep up hope! There are more women training Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu than ever before, and us singles are looking for good quality men/training partners that are willing to take dating a BJJ Girl seriously. See you boys on the mat! 😉
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